Mar 2011 19

When you're young, you dream of being something amazing and perfect. When you're grown up, and have done nothing with your life, you wish you could do it all over again. I feel this way already. I'm currently fifteen-years-old and honestly I haven't seen a good day scene I turned six. In the first grade, I was put on medication to help me "focus". That is where I really think this all started, I was instantly controlled the wrong way. I started getting into fights and getting bad grades. When I got older, I realised that my father did drugs. It not only effected himself, it effected my mother and I. It put my mother in debt, which at the time put me in debt as well. He dried out my piggy banks, and scrapped up whatever he could just to get a fix. What he did not realised, I knew what he was doing was wrong. I loathed him for hurting us like this. My mother would sit in the car for hours, crying over money, work, me, and my father. She took her frustration out to the bar, and drank herself to death. She committed suicide three years ago last month. When I lived with my dad, he wouldn't be home most of the day. No one to tell me to do homework, or clean, or anything. I became independent at a very young age, and I knew that no one was there to help me. I'd wake myself up for school, come home, wash my clothes, make myself dinner, eat, and go to bed on time. Finally, my grandparents noticed I was by myself for a year and took me into their home. I haven't heard from my father since the day my mother died. Feeling this way, I didn't understand the correct ways to help myself. So I chose the wrong ways. Sex, drugs, and alcohol. I did these things, not to fit in, but to feel good about myself. I wanted people to love me, and think I'm fun. But when I'd come home I'd look in the mirror and see my smugged makeup, messed up clothes, and no friends, a worthless, hopeless being. It made me sick. I have never talked about this until now. Why am I doing this on the Internet? I realise that no one is TRUELY different. Someone can relate, and someone can maybe understand that they are not alone in a corrupt world. I am currently five months sober, and I am practicing abstinence. It's all going to be okay.

[by Anon on Sat March 19, 2011 09:29:06 pm]
i understand. it hurts when you think no one cares. have you ever considered going to church? it really helped me when my dad died. death is a scary thing, but it happends everyday. your post was really good btw

[by Anon on Tue March 22, 2011 06:04:20 pm]
Wow, first of all - congrats on being five months sober! That deserves a big kudos!

And second, you sound very mature for your young age of 15. Having gone through all that you did, taking care of yourself, surviving and then in the end, turning your life around is amazing. And to top it off - you saying "no one is TRUELY different" is spot on! It's true - everyone goes through trials and tribulations in their lives (some worse than others), but we're all just trying to make it in this very difficult world. It's great that you don't feel sorry for yourself, and are just trying to make things right. You're already way ahead of the game.

You keep doing what you're doing, and things will get better. Being 15, you're still so young - but if you're gotten this far at that young age, you have a wonderful life ahead of you!

[by Yonata on Mon July 30, 2012 10:34:29 pm]
my dad came back from viet nam and started dinrking heavily. he was an alcoholic as long as i can remember. he lived to drink, and planned his entire life around dinrking.he has finally quit dinrking, but it's not really what most people would consider a victorious milestone.he quit dinrking when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, with a 4 month median lifespan. that was 3 months ago.the only thing he likes more than dinrking, it seems, is his own life.i love my father, and loved him all through his alcoholic life, despite his alcoholism. he probably won't be alive through 2012, but at least he'll live the rest of his life alcohol-free. hopefully, he'll be able to enjoy what time he has left.i drink, when i'm layed over somewhere, but almost never drink to the point where i get drunk. i enjoy dinrking, especially a good quality dark beer (shiner bock, or perhaps guiness black lager), or an occasional shot of top-shelf bourbon (booker's, or maybe woodford). but i drink only as an occasional reward when i've been running hard lately, or at a social event. it's a nice way to loosen up in a social gathering (or before karaoke lol). being an alcoholic is far beyond being a social drinker.alcoholism can't be cured by a nagging spouse, by a directive from higher authorities, by addiction counselors, or by threats to the alcoholic (unless the alcoholic is threatened with the loss of something he loves more than alcohol, but usually, there is nothing they love more, except for in some cases, life itself). the only way to be cured of alcoholism is for the addict to decide that he truly despises alcohol or alcoholism, and to completely remove it from his own life, then keep it removed. despising alcohol or alcoholism is the only way the alcoholic will not relapse.i don't have a problem dating drinkers (especially since i drink on occasion, myself), but i will not date an alcoholic, no matter how much reason i might have. i've seen what it does to every life that it touches. it's a sad thing.-m

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