Jan 2014 29

I have a group of really close friends, but I had been best friends with one of the girls since forth grade. She was literally my other half & we did everything together, but ever since the beginning of the summer things haven't been the same between us. There was this big 8th grade DC trip on the last day of school that everyone went on & my close friends & i were in a touring group together. There was also a girl in our touring group that i had recently become friends with & on the trip me & her were together a lot. After this my best friend became really rude & hostile to me. She stuck by this other girl in our group of friends & they both ignored us the rest of the trip. When we all got home from the trip she just stopped hanging out with me & she barely talked to me. I didn't know why, & i felt so sad. My whole summer i just sat at home looking at all the instagram pictures of my best friend & the other girl doing stuff together; excluding everyone else in our group of friends. Once we started high school, they both continued to have an attitude with me & always put me down. They were never nice to me. I had lost my best friend & i didn't even know what i did to make both girls dislike me so much. Me & my best friend were friends with this one guy & she told him that the reason she was mad at me was that she thought I would leave her for the other girl on the trip. & that actually insults me because i would never leave her for anyone; no one could replace her & she should've known that. I can have other friends. She's the one that left me. She left me for that other girl. It makes me mad because I've ALWAYS been there for her, & how does she return the favor? By leaving me & being rude to me. & ive still stuck by her despite how rude she is to me. & she also told the guy that i "flirt a lot" & "show my butt off"?this really hurt my feelings because i thought that she knew me better than that. I know that this is anonymous & anyone who reads this doesn't know what I'm like & what my personality is, but none of what she said about me is true! I'm not like that! It just really really hurts me that she thinks that about me. Me & her went to the same birthday party, & i also found out that she ordered the birthday girl to crop my butt out of a group picture because i was "sticking it out" but i wasn't? That was just so uncalled for. It makes me so mad how she doesn't even bother to talk to me about her being mad @ me, like she doesn't even want to fix the tension between us. & for so long ive stayed up late at night crying about the situation & her being mad at me. She's just changed so much. She used to be so nice & awesome but now she's a totally different person.. I don't even know her anymore. she's not as mean to me anymore, but i still think i should talk to her about how i feel because it's been bothering me for so long. Ive felt so lonely, I've never felt this way before. Ever since i lost her as a best friend, i feel like i have no one to turn to. I feel like no one cares about me.. like if i died tomorrow no one would notice. I feel so angry all the time & so sad & so lonely. I want to tell her how depressed ive felt for so long, but also I'm really scared to. I'm scared it's too late for us to ever be best friends again. I'm scared that she won't really care what i have to say, because she's acted that way to me for a really long time. she always corrects me on stuff & puts me down. I just want things to go back to how they used to be, but what if they don't? My group of friends was kind of like my solid security, something i thought would always stay the same. But now things have changed between all of us & i don't know what im gonna do if we stop being friends. I don't know if i can ever have the relationship i had with them with any other girl. It seems like no one else wants to be my friend, because everyone else has their own little cliques. That's something I really hate about high school. It's so hard to make new friends because everyone's so cliquey and judgemental. I just want things to get better between all of us but really mainly me & my ex-best friend.

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