Nov 2012 28

do I have an eating disorder? I think I do but I don't want to really say that because it could be so much worse than it is. I just count my calories and if I've had too many I don't eat. but that doesn't happen very often. I don't eat breakfast but who does? I just want to be healthy and skinny. I don't want to gain weight. I want to loose it. But i'm not skin and bones I have meat on me. I have muscle. I eat. I don't love food like my friends do but I don't really starve myself either. I just want to be happy with myself. I want to be good enough. tiny enough. pretty enough. I am skinny, i just want to be skinnier. You really can't see my bones though. my ribs aren't even visible yet. I will be skinnier though. I need to be. But my mom think I'm anorexic. she doesn't think I eat. But I do. I eat. Just not as much as other people.

[by Anon on Sat December 8, 2012 05:34:13 pm]
It doesn't sound like you are completely, but you are definitely on your way based on the fact that you know you're skinny, but you want to be skinnier and they possibly you're hoping your ribs eventually show. That might not be what you wanted to hear though. I was in your shoes a long time ago, I asked those same questions and actually wanted people to validate my problem. It's a slippery slope though. What started as losing a few pounds, to looking great (the unnatural way), turned into skin and bones, turned into losing my teeth, my skin looking horrible and feeling like a shell of myself. I did so much damage to myself, which I'm not literally paying for - dental and medical treatments which is costing my thousands of dollars.

It's now 13 years later, I'm finally back to my normal size (which is still a small petite size), I'm happy, healthy and comfortable. Just eat a balanced diet.. make sure you eat all the nutrients you need. And if you feel like you ate too much one day, don't skip dinner - maybe have a light salad with some grilled chicken and do a little exercise. Otherwise, you'll wake up in the morning starved - which leads to your body eating itself or the opposite, overeating.

Trust me.. no anorexic wants to be anorexic. It's a horrible disease that takes over your mind and convinces you that you are something you are not. Like you've become possessed by something crazy. It sounds like you are still rational at this point (thank goodness), so if you can, snap out of wanting to be skinny, and just be healthy. Eat healthy, exercise, and the skinny will happen naturally.

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