Mar 2014 10
Mon March 10, 2014 12:11:17 am
This might be a long one so apologies in advance.
In 2010, I started seeing a boy who would become my longtime first love. Little did I know, before him and I talked, he and my best friend had a lot of feelings for each other, and neither of them bothered to tell me any of this, really. I found out 6 months into the relationship, when I was already attatched so it was difficult figuring out how to react. Throughout my relationship with this boy, he had feelings for her still and was very neglectful toward me. At the time, I considered this girl my best friend and I had no idea she had feelings for him also because she would lie and sugarcoat her answers when I would confront her on the subject. Same with my boyfriend. I knew all along, deep down, that all of this was going on, but I chose to ignore it because it was my first relationship, I love this kid and I just wanted to be enough for him. So things continued this way until March of 2013 when he broke up with me because we just didnit get along anymore. A week after we broke up he started hanging out with my best friend again and they both started ignoring me completely. Needless to say, it hurt, very badly. But a few months later, he and I came into contact again and he had realized he was a selfish, mean person toward me for no reason and we were friends for about 7 months and eventually got involved romantically again. It has been great ever since, rarely fighting, no feelings for anyone else. It has been almost perfect, the way a relationship should feel. He's made up for everything, and I trust him completely when he says he wants nothing to do with her anymore. But tonight I did something really bad and I logged in to one of his social accounts he used to talk to her on and read all of their conversations. I wasnit really surprised by anything I found, one of those things where you are expecting it but it still hurts. They were basically holding together an online relationship behind my back, they would always talk about how they wished they could see each other, how I just got in the way, s**t like that. Now I am in limbo because even though this is the past and it does not matter, it still is mind blowing to me that even though I was certain this was happening before I even actually knew, I chose to be oblivious and stupid and let it slide just because I was too afraid to leave. Sometimes I regret not telling them to screw off after him and I broke up, but at the same time I'm happy with him as of now and my friend and I are working on our friendship and I'm generally happy. I guess I went digging into something I knew would hurt and now I'm just feeling stupid and am unsure of how this will affect my finally healthy, awesome relationship.
Mon July 25, 2016 01:56:49 am]
Th'tas going to make things a lot easier from here on out.