Nov 2010 02
Tue November 2, 2010 10:39:35 pm
I tripped and fell down a mountain, I'm looking for the base again and I know its a long way up.
If your never depressed your happy with the world around you and that would be depressing.
Because I care I always get hurt. I want to look out for number one but I can't close my self off.
My aura is faded and colorless, I will curse my self to save you.
I want to take the pain of the world and let everyone live in ecstasy. That leaves you as the one nobody wants to be around.
If there is no pain to take I am useless and cast aside, driven off by laughter.
Im to hardened to enjoy life and Im to dead for someone to love me.
Still I exist and I want to help the world become a better place. So I will be the punching bag because I can take it.
My soul is a rock that never stops bleeding. I will give till the day it kills me.
I will live the life no one else wants to. I am the person you are warned not to be.
Still I have my place. Everyone wants to be around me but no one wants to be apart of what I am.
That is the way of my life. I will always be criticized but i will never be asked to change.
People think im weak. I dont stand up for myself. I let people run over me. For some reason I feel its for a better cause.
I dont know what that is and I probably never will. But causing pain hurts more than being beaten to nothing.
Am I weak to take that and still stand up everyday. I make my stand I deliver my punches but Its never for my own sake.
There is no use in breaking shattered glass and it can never be fixed. So give me all you can I will take it.
I deal with my pain by relieving yours. If you need to better yourself by putting me down than I am fulfilled.
I am stronger than anyone will ever know. I wont tell you how much better I am than you but only how much worse.
I want to live through the worst thing that can happen to you so that I can help you through it.
I will thank you after you stabbed me. I want you to know there is good in this world even in the darkest time.
Im self righteous, Im a locked and closed book. My title says that you are better than me. I hate my self and love you.
I can not give my self credit because I could always do more, I feel like I do nothing.
I am lazy and cursed. I will always be a loser because I want you to win.
Success is not measured in money or the number of friends you have.
If there is no god than I have no way to measure success.
I believe in god because if I didn't I would have nothing to believe in.
My god is the good in this world. Humanity is the evil.
I may be alone for the rest of my life but I will never let you be alone.
Self righteous bastard, you hate me, I hate my self, but I must never quit.
I will be needed one day, and I have to be there. Ready to make the stand, take the hit and resolve the crisis.
I am a ghost that provides you warmth and disappears when im not needed.
So go ahead use me and cast me aside, that is all i know anyway.
You will never know me, I dont want you to know me. Knowing me will be your favorite joke.
My accomplishments are buried under my scars.
I could sell my soul and conquer the world, but i would still be left with nothing.
My name is a joke but still regarded for giving.
I am loved the most when I am gone. Call me and I will always be there, but you will only call me when you need me.
I dont blame you, i wont allow you to love me because I forgot how.
I want to be a part of the heard. Im just not strong enough, quick enough, smart enough, interested enough.
My flaws are great and I dont hide them. Point them out if you like, I already know anyway.
My strength are hidden and I dont know them, dont point them out, I want to be thought less than what I am.
I surprise people because I appear less than I am.
I dont surprise my self. I can always be better. But I am to lazy to try. Who would care anyway.
My thought always strays, I can't focus on your idle conversation, I care and I want you to be happy.
I can't act like I love you though and my mind will stray.
No one likes you if your uninterested, i am interested, interested in pleasing you.
I am weak, you will learn to distance yourself from me.
I am nothing that I am supposed to be. I will give you hope in this world but I have lost mine.
My shoulders are heavy from your tears, my eyes are red because I forgot how to cry.
I can't live with the lack of love in this world.
Everyone wants to hurt me, pitty is my best friend.
I can't stand the way i feel when I think about you.
I will push everyone away I can't take it anymore.
I will live the rest of my life alone because I can't trust anyone.
My lack of self esteem annoys you. My annoyance lowers my self esteem.
Im in a downward spiral. I need someone to help me out.
No one will love me i'm to pitiful.
Where is my other half. My rib was removed and lost. I am cursed to be alone.
No one wants to be near me.
Awwww thats so sad. Feel better. But dont come near me.
I dont need your downer.
Life seems so long right now. Every step I take for my future is in the wrong direction.
I am the loser. I am the joke. I am the one with no future. I dont have a life. I need to find her.
She is scared of me. I am weird. I am pitiful. I don't have what she wants.
I lost my chance. I will have more. More chances to fail.
I'm the bad date. I'm the mistake. Why did I do that. I can't tell anyone I did that. I can't carry his load.
I beat myself up. You beat me up. I am sore and bruised. I just want someone to care.
F*ck your pity. If you don't really care then f**k you pity.
Please love me!
Please be nice to me.
Please care about me.
Man up. F**K YOU!!
Im more a man than you could ever be. You dont know what a man is supposed to be.
Am I stupid to try. Is this useless. Am I walking a endless path.
This road is dead and unwalked. The light becomes dimmer the closer I get.
Is this pointless. I want to be accepted. Do I?
Life is harder every day. It doesn't get better. You get more numb to the pain.
Fulfillment is a myth. Fulfillment is an idiots goal.
It cant only be physical to me. So now you reject me. I can't live your soulless life.
Cast your stones. I am weak so you dont fear me. I want to leave.
A new life... Is it possible? Probably not. I need to get away.
Run away thats the answer...
A new place but the same results. I will always be me. I can't run away from me.
You will always mock me. Its too easy and your to evil.
Maybe Im too evil. I deserve it. If I didn't deserve it then why me?
Please just tell me theres a greater purpose.
At least you feel better about yourself because I exist.
Tue November 9, 2010 03:52:40 am]
Wow.. I truly hope the pain you felt while writing this post has subsided.
Life does get better.. it doesn't always seem that way, but it does. We have to take the victories we have each day and treasure them. And any hardships (even those inflicted by those that love us), we have to pick ourselves back up. If it's a relationship you can easily get out of (e.g. not family, not work), it's time to do something for yourself. It's time for you to be the winner.
Hell, even if it isn't easy to get out of, you should. I've been in that kind of relationship before. Ups are great, but the downs are worse. It's a painful experience, and one I'm happy to say I'm now without.