Mar 2010 03

I'm really depressed. I'm mean to everyone around me, including my boyfriend who is the definition of perfect. I'm failing college. Without a degree, I will never have a life will never progress. No one will hire me, even at the sh*t jobs. I'm abusive. I have about 30 percocets left over from when I was in a wheelchair back in October. I have thought of 17 different scenarios which lead to my inevitable suicide. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I dont know if there is an afterlife. The thought of simply dying and there being nothing more scares the hell out of me. If I were 100% certain of my soul moving on elsewhere, then I would most definitely relieve myself from this purgatory. I wish I had a psychologist...but I cant even afford help. :(

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