Sep 2010 13

to start from the beginning - when I first met my husband he was a sargeant in the Army and had his CIB, EIB, ranger tab, jump wings, and had already deployed once. We talked about marriage and we finally decided to get married (August 31st) 5 months after meeting each other. My hasband had said that he had bought a ring in SC (where hes from) and his mom would being it up when she flew in for the wedding. She made up 500 excuses and ended up not coming so my husband went to Claire's (that's right, Claire's in the mall) and bought me a ring just so I had something to be married with.
3 days after our wedding my husband deployed for 13 months to Iraq. After packing up both of our belongings and moving 3200 miles by myself I went to get my military ID on November 17th. I received my ID and it said my husband was an E1 (a private) so I went back to the person who had issued my ID and told them they had made a mistake on my husbands rank.....and this is where is all unravels.... It turns out the lying son of a bitch was only a private. He had NEVER deployed before, he had never even been an E4 not much less an E5, he did not have jump wings, or a ranger, tab, or a CIB, or even an EIB. I was married under false pretenses. god damnit!
After deciding not to get an annulment (like a f*cking idiot) it was about time for my husband to come home from his deployment he ended up being a f*cking idiot during his deployment and was given an article 15 and knocked back down to E1 and a pay grade of E1 (god damnit!). I thought for sure our relationship was over now. He was being a f*cking idiot and dragging me down with him. I thought for sure I couldn't handle any more. Then he started sending his stuff home in the mail.
I received his laptop and immediately threw it open so that I would be able to see all of the exciting pictures he had taken only to find a letter written to his 1sgt stating that he had not married me and that it was a rumor.
In a rage I waited for his next call and laid into him about how much of a f*ck up he was. It turns out his 1sgt had told him not to marry me and when his 1sgt had questioned him about it he had lied and had to write a sworn statement stating that he had in fact NOT married me. That's part of the reason he was in trouble - he had lied in a sworn statement.
Once he returned home I demanded counseling to keep our relationship together - 5 months later and 2 counseling sessions later I found myself pregnant.
I had my son and my husbands unit was due to deploy in November - the same month my son was due. So my husband did the "honorable" thing and wrote up his ETS papers so he could get out of the military and not deploy. The only was that he had no formal training and no f*cking plan. I told him I did not want him to ETS or move us in march we moved to SC. He sat around for 3 months listening to me bitch about him not being employed. The day he was hired we had $22 to our name with a baby to feed still.
After arriving in SC he demanded a new car but instead of buying a $5000 car we could afford he came home with a $15,000 car that we cannot afford. Today we are still siphoning off of our savings, I had to take a job just to make ends meat (and we dont even make ends meat yet.) He does not help and I hate him and the life I live every day. The only thing that keeps me going is my son.

The only reason I have not left my husband yet is because I am to scared too. I have family who would help me but they are 3200 miles away (a week drive with a baby).
I need a swift kick in the ass to get my ass out of here.
I hate myself for all of this and bringing a son into the mix.
I hate my husband most of all though.

thanks for letting me vent,
22 and miserable in SC

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