Sep 2010 24


The only thing I want. The only think I could ask for. Is for you to love me back. Im not asking you to fall head over heels for me as I have for you. But just to say I love you to, to say you miss me, to say you care for me. Just so I know I haven’t gone completely mad. I need to have it be known…..to me…..that someone else thinks of me as I think of them…..I’m not even saying we should become something because I know that’s not what you want…..i just start thinking of stuff….stuff about you…..like what would it be like if I could wake up every day just to see your face……just to wake up and see you there so I can tell you every day how special you are and how much you mean to me…….i want someone to be able to call mine….and me, his……..i really need the reassurance that my whole entire life is not just based off of some fantasy that will never become reality…..ive written so many of these documents about you……you may never even read them, or you might…..time will tell……its just that I love you so much that its barely comprehendible……no other love even comes close……..its real, true, and absolute and all I want is you…..i want all of you, I want your look, your touch, your smell, your entire self being……I need a reason to wake up in the morning…..a reason to live….but I already have that….and its you……it may sound corny or fake or just a little bit mushy…….but……..im absolutely in love with you……I tried to end my life once…..and I said it wasn’t because of you……I lied…..it was because of you…..when I saw your face after you heard about what I did……it was the worst sight in the world…….i never want to see your face like that again……ever…….the worst thing in the world isn’t losing your true and only love….its seeing the look on your face that lets me know…..that you were absolutely disappointed….you put your absolute trust into me trusting in me to never let you down and I did……..i completely f*cked you over and im sorry for that…….and I know sorry is just a word and I need to somehow prove myself worthy of your trust again….and that’s what im doing……you told me the truth about you…..ive already known but it meant sooo much to me that you could trust me again…..that you finally accepted my apology and you realized my full and undying love and compassion towards you……I haven’t told anyone….and even if I did I changed ur name to “Tyler White” hahaha…..i know its corny but no one ever knows it was you…….and that’s the important thing…….i can still see myself living with you…..us having our own apartment outside of Houston…..just us…….buddies for life and beyond……..because you really are my soulmate I feel it…..i feel it in my soul and I feel it in my heart…..weve had so many get togethers….and they’ve all been soooo great……I feel very bad now that I cant text you on my phone….it seems soooo much easier to be able to talk to you through text……the reason for that is because I get so nervous when im around you…I can never find the right words to say to you…….youre so complex and elaborated that its really impossible to figure you out…..even if I did know everything about you (which is impossible) id still have much more to uncover…….your like those old Chinese cup sets….the ones where you have a big one and you open it up and theres another one, then another, then another…..and once you get to the middle theres a prize…..and im hoping that prize is you…….nothing would make me happier……no amount of money could make me stop loving you…..its impossible…..but as I was saying about the apartment and what not……..its a fantasy ive created in my head to escape the truth……the truth that you will never feel for me what I feel for you……..or maybe you do…..maybe you feel it, you know its there but your not ready to embrace it just yet………or maybe also im just hoping for too much….maybe Im hoping that maybe just maybe there is a pot at the end of every rainbow…….but you are my only joy and my only strength…..without you theres nothing…..nothing but an empty shell they call a body…..you are my everything…….your the one who gives me something to dream about…..something finally happy to wrap my mind around……..all I need is you……just you…….without one blink that comes over me I see all there is……I see all of you……and I see your face…..the face I always enjoy seeing…….i see that bright smile that lets me know that somewhere deep down u somewhat feel for me………so I hope eventually ur able to tell me what u do feel……..just look past social etiquette and tell me the truth……..i love u…….always and forever……..




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