Jan 2010 14
Thu January 14, 2010 04:59:10 pm
I am depressed about everything.
I'm 15 years old, and I've never been diagnosed with depression, but what's in a diagnosis? I don't need anyone to tell me I'm depressed.
And the worst part of it is, I feel guilty about it. I have fresh water, food, shelter, two parents, and I've never needed anything I don't have. Yet, I am MISERABLE.
I hate school. I hate the kids, and the whole system. I don't have any friends, because I have social anxiety disorder, which makes all social communication hard.
I get extremely sad over everything. EVERYTHING. And it doesn't make any sense. There are things in my life that I don't like. Things have happened. But it's all petty in comparison to other life issues people face. So why am I so DAMN depressed?
No friends = no one to vent to. I don't want to depress my mother with all this crap. She won't understand. My dad--that bumbling idiot--certainly won't. I hate my brother...I don't even talk to him. And my sister...I talk to her sometimes but it's just never enough.
No one understands....hell, I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. But I'm depressed, furious, and I want to get out of this Godforsaken place. And everywhere I go, I say I want to get out of this "Godforsaken place"...and maybe I'm being a bitch...but what I'm feeling is real. And I just DON'T GET IT.
I think I just want to be loved. It doesn't help that the girl of my dreams won't even look at me. That I'm a short, skinny geek kid that no one will ever want except my mother. And I don't even GET GOOD GRADES, because the school system is so screwed up. Only a QUARTER of school is about learning. The rest is about stupid drama and hookups and a bunch of other sh*t I hate.
I am a GENIUS. A freaking GENIUS, who got a D+ in Physics and an F in Chemistry. I wrote a 380 page novel, and it's getting published. But who cares? I failed chemistry, so colleges won't want me.
What good is being a geeky wallflower with no friends if you're a stupid nobody to your teachers too?
I just need to let this out. I am PISSED. I don't know what's going for me.......and I just want to scream.
Wed February 3, 2010 07:03:16 pm]
high school is difficult to get through. And yes, the grading system SUCKS! But just try your best. Apply EVERYWHERE when it comes time for college. But you're only 15, you still have a couple of years. Go online and google the top 5 easiest universities to get accepted to and apply there if you have to. It'll still be a university and great to get your undergraduate credits at rather than a community college. I understand the depression thing too, that's how I was for 4 years and I had NOOOO idea why. I STILL dont know what got me out of that phase, I guess just trying your best. Sometimes what people think is their best, really isnt. So just try, try, try!! Things will get better for you, it just may take some time. :)
Thu February 18, 2010 11:03:25 am]
I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!! I'm 14 and recently had to be taken out of high school because of anxiety/depression issues. I am a social retard and don't have any friends. I mean I volunteer at the soup kitchen and I talk to the homeless people but the men I talk to only want one thing and you best believe I'm not giving it to them! I have a great family don't get me wrong but every time I want to tell them about my problems they're like "oh build a bridge and get over it!" seriously???? WTF!!! And as for school i'm homeschooled and still f-ing this all up. I mean I'm smart, very smart!! I can hold conversations with college graduates!! but i'm still failing... When you get your book done please tell me what it's called cause I totally want to read it!!
Sat February 20, 2010 09:11:50 am]
It's great to know I'm not the only one going through this.
I also have NO CLUE what's happening to me, I get upset about everything and anything. And I can't explain to anyone why I'm so sad, beacuse I don't know!!
*I would also like to know what book you're writing. Good Luck.