Sep 2011 05

am i the only one that complaining about common things? you know, not love, or anything that people are so stressed about. i tried to find a vent-to-stranger site that i nicely found, empty. not even one person using it. well i did. Was the only one. As a venter. Not paired with a listener. no, i'm not sad. okay maybe a little bit...

anyway! Long story short, i'm tired of life. But no, i'm not suicidal or whatever.

Firstly, distraction.
Hot girls, hot guys. yes, i'm attracted to both. but i'm straight, don't worry. i'm over the phase. but currently i'm crushing on a girl. fiction character. does that count? guess not. oh, i'm a girl, by the way.

i wasn't about to talk about that... Well! not just from people. from games, even my own handphone.

the gist is, distraction to what? that is, my freaking control over life.

I'm just stressed out, okay? i don't do good in school. in fact, i do do good. for the time being.

i don't learn, i just do my homeworks lazily, i play at nights until one am with my handphone, and i just feel, like, worthless.

You see, i have this feelings that if my scores go low, i can't be genuinely happy until i get my good scores back. and as time goes on my bad mood just keep on sinking lower and lower, f**k it.

secondly, troublesome friends.

they just keep on doing 'stuff', and i'm here heart broken and actually numbing in acknowledgement that my closest friends that i consider(ed) family are doing things that's crushing their future. and they f**kin' know! they f**king know!

"but it feels good. Addictive, i don't wanna stop doing that,"

okay now, please get your mind out of the dirt. by 'stuff', i meant a lot of things. since they do many things(of course), that completely annoy the hell out of people. or me.

i fall in love easily with people, but not in a 'lover' way. but in a 'they're human' and as long as i haven't found their bad traits, i'm in love. In love enough to care so much.

there's just a pang of hurt whenever i find out that they're not as innocent as they appear to be. i know that. it's like, in social-basics. but i just refuse to believe everytime i meet new people, you know, or i'd sulk in the corner of the classroom aaalll alone waiting to everything to just disappear since i refuse to have any friends.

And, frankly, one thing i hate. i do that too. but not that bad. but still, it's bad. i can't stop playing my handphone and it irritates me everytime. i have homeworks, my tests are coming up, i'm keeping up with my grades, mid-test, and all that s**t.

i hate myself. maybe this is such a trivial thing, but it really really irritates me that i can't get over this such small problem, when i have had it since i was 6? and now i'm 15.

and everyone's being childish. i know, i'm childish too. but they're childish in such a really common way, like cry over an ex for two days relationship, nonstop for one year straight. like, are you crazy? okay fine, maybe i don't have a problem with that. but if every teenagers i'm facing are like that? no, not crying over an ex for two days relationship nonstop for one year straight. but being naively in love that they believe they're going to keep the relationship until marriage when they have fights over who above who and who's the only one able to be mad?

i'm just so freaking tired.. so when a guy came up and suddenly discussed about God, i was in awe. sadly, that guy is my cousin. what a world.

SO. that ends it. so much i could really vent out here right now, but this is actually very long enough. byebye

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