Jan 2013 27
Sun January 27, 2013 06:20:52 pm
I\'m going to start this off how most people usually would; I don\'t know what to do.
I\'m fifteen years old (freshmen) and I live in Indianapolis, Indiana. From sixth grade to eighth, I wanted to fit into the social group of a \"Badass\". I\'d listen to music related to Slipknot and I\'d venture out to learn words to music I couldn\'t understand what they were saying. I liked the music, but was it because I actually liked it or because my friends liked it?
I started smoking cigarettes in seventh grade; it was just something the cool kids did, so why the hell not, right?
I dyed my hair every month ridiculous colors, I was obviously trying WAY too hard to fit in.
I added to the cigarette smoking this year, which started in fun and ended in addiction, with smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol.
I just wanted people to like me.
Well here\'s my deal, now.
I recently quit smoking.
I got rid of all my bad influenced friends.
I stopped listening to hardcore/metal music.
I pulled myself together.
Now, I am extremely lonely.
I\'m still known as the girl who listens to metal music at school and it makes making new friends impossible.
I like One Direction, a lot.
I wouldn\'t have known that if it weren\'t for pulling my life together.
But all the girls at school who like One Direction won\'t give me a chance because I\'m still the girl who listens to metal music to them.
I just want girly friends and to do girly stuff with them without feeling judged.
I don\'t think I\'m unattractive, so that\'s not my issue.
However, I know I don\'t fit into their social group.
I\'m a hopeless outsider.
Mon January 28, 2013 08:07:24 pm]
Wow first of all, major props to you. Having the courage to do something like that on your own is very impressive. No way would i have been able to do that at your age. Realize you don't like the way you're living, find what you like and change. You, my dear, are you to be some amazing woman some day.
That being said, what you're doing us definitely tough. Changing who you are, especially in high school is difficult but its possible. Keep being true to yourself so people see who you are and do what you can to be friendly to those other girly girls. Meaning, smile or say hi if they make contact, ask questions politely (e.g. what page did the teacher say, ask questions about class, etc. very unobtrusive questions) so they can see and hear you talking like them. They'll realize you're not like who they thought you were - when you were into the darker stuff - and will likely warm up to you. Right now, like you said, they might be a little scared.
You may not end up being friends with them, they might not even be the friends you want but it'll start to help people see who you are. Everyone changes in high school and even more so in college, so it's all about making as many friends as you can.
What I'd do is shoot for being friends with anyone good and cleancut which you can usually find in school clubs. I found the most of my friends there. I'm not talking preppy cheerleader types (which is also OK), but I'm talking about people who are naturally kind, care about themselves and other people and want to help people.
The most diverse and accepting clubs i joined when i was your age were the volunteer clubs like Key Club (super friendly folks) and Model UN (smart but fun kids). Both were very welcoming, especially for a kid like me coming from a minority-dominated clique. I thought I wanted to be in a clique dominated by the race I was, but quickly realized that wasn't me. So after freshman year, I slowly left that group, found a couple new friends freshman year, some more sophomore year, and by senior year, I was the president of Model UN.
Things can definitely change for you, just stay positive and true to yourself. You will find people like you.