Jun 2011 20
Mon June 20, 2011 11:38:09 pm
Well heres the deal. I'm 17 don't have my driver's license yet because my parents are bastards and are making me get my Boy Scout Eagle award first. It's bulls**t and pisses me off to no end. I have to do my eagle project next next weekend if I want my license before school starts and I am in no way ready for it so I'm really stressed because of that. I have a beautiful classic car that I can't work on because I don't have a job because I don't have my license yet. So I'm depressed about that. I'm desperately in love with this girl who doesn't know it and wastes all her time on a f*cking tool, not that I have an ice cube's chance in hell with her I'm fat and shy and she's the opposite the most popular, most beautiful girl at school. I've said maybe 5 words to her in the past four years I've known and liked her. I wish that I could be anyone else in the world I'd kill a man to be someone else. It seems that everyday I have to fight to get out of bed I've got no purpose, no happiness. I think I have friends, or I thought I had friends, they don't hang out with me much, I can only hope that will change when I get my license and can drive to their houses to hang out and not have to have them come pick me up. GOD I want to KILL MYSELF! I HATE myself! I HATE myself! When my parents ask me whats wrong and I tell them they go on and on about how it's my fault and make me feel worse I don't tell them about the girl or my friends because they'd just get REALLY mad at me. It's almost like they want me to be gay they keep pushing me away from girls it sickens me. GAH! I want to die! Everynight I pray that God takes my life...every night he doesn't answer. I don't eat anymore I'm trying to starve myself to death I guess, I'm just not hungry. I feel completely worthless. Thanks for reading as I get all this sh*t off my chest.
Wed June 22, 2011 11:51:22 pm]
hey , i just have to tell you that DONT EVER think abotu killinq yourself.. that really pretty girl your talking about ; if shes waiting her time on a tool ; shes not worth iit .. trust mme , iknow .. but try to talk to her .. dont be overwhelming but talk to her , you say your fat .. buut if your upset about your self do sompting about it ; thats my advice to yo ..goodluck !