Feb 2014 03
Mon February 3, 2014 07:19:10 pm
So I really need to vent. I would call a friend but I don't want to drive anyone away by seeming too negative, not that I usually am though, truly. I would call my dad, but my dad is really big on not being a victim or having a victim mentality (aka the world is out to get me, poor me), So I know if I call him he will make me feel guilty about being upset. And maybe I am acting like a victim, maybe my problems aren't so big, but I really just want anyone to listen (er read?) and allow me to feel like someone understand and that my feeling are valid and justified and that I'm allowed to feel upset at things in my life sometimes without immediately stopping myself from feeling sad because I'm so worried that I'm playing the victim. But life is hard and crazy and people can be mean, and sometimes I want to allow myself to feel those things. Anyway, first off, I am graduating from college this May and I'm sorta freaking out inside. I mean school has always been my life, and I do very well. And now I've got to enter the business world, and so far from my internship I'm not so sure I like it, and I just have zero idea what I want to do with my life and I absolutely need to get a job before I graduate or what am I going to do? Live at home and work a minimum wage job? Not that there is any shame in that, just that I wouldn't be able to stand it. First of all living back home would be a nightmare and second of all I can't handle working in customer service anymore, people are mean. But anyways, I just feel so overwhelmed that I want to cry every time I think about the fact that I graduate in 3 months and have not idea what I want to do nor have I applied to many jobs yet. And I know pretty much everyone has to go through this too so I'm being such a baby but it is truly stressing me out, it is truly a big deal. The other thing is my course load is stressing me out. I work 24 hours a week at my internship and I'm taking 15 hours at school, and trying to find a job! It's too much, it just wanna watch a movie sometimes man lol! And this one professor esp is stressing me out! ugh! He needs to chill out, he is too intense and expecting too much, I just wanna graduate already! I guess mostly I want to cry, I want to allow myself to be upset about everything and cry! I never seem to allow myself to do that because I have this wise little voice in my head that says, "Be a problem solver, look for the solution not the problem, don't be a victim, everyone has to face this you're being a drama queen, well if you're truly so worried about getting a job then spend more time apply for jobs and not mopping about it!" But perhaps I'll put on a sad movie and allow myself to cry. I think as long as I don't do it everyday and I do move on and make solutions, it's okay to be initially upset about it, or upset about it at some point. So yeah. That's mostly all, or all I feel like releasing at this moment. Thanks for reading and hopefully you agree that my feeling are valid and justified. Have a great day!
Tue February 4, 2014 12:12:21 am]
Let me tell you, what you are feeling is TOTALLY justified. Many of us - very sane folks, who weren't playing the "poor me" card - all feel and felt the same way you did when we were in your shoes. My senior year, I was working full time and going to school full time - thinking I was making my way through the fasttrack but boy did it tire me out. Let me tell you something I wish someone told me: It's hard, but you can do it. And even if you can't, don't beat yourself up for it. We all can't be perfect all the time and that's totally OK. I'm totally all for feeling sorry for yourself, only long enough to treat yourself to a nice dessert, indulge yourself in 1 hr of your favorite comedy or waste an afternoon walking around a park. Sometimes it's OK to say "I'm really tired of all this" and take a break. That's how we get through to the other side. And let me tell you Olivia, you sound like an amazing person with a great head on your shoulders. You are definitely going to make it.