Jan 2011 09

I\'m dieing inside bc of him I gav my heart n love for 3 years through the cheating n lieing but still I\'m nt good enough?he cn still leave me for some 1 else n still find ways to blame me? I\'m nice I\'m smart I\'m pretty guys want me so y is he so ugh y cnt he just mean it whn he says I love you y am I here n hurt n he\'s fine n doing all the stuff he wants .I love him I would take a bullet from him go to Africa from do anything for him yet it\'s still nt enough?it makes me feel lik somethings wrong with me tht I\'m so flawed lik I\'m worthless.sometimes I just wanna run away n nevr look baq just to try to erase all my memories strt ovr strt fresh new life new me new town move to Cali and just become something better thn wat I am.I must hav shed a million tears in this city more thn half Is because of him.I saw a future between us I saw a house n kids n a car n a dog n laying on the couch watching black and white reruns on sat night n just looking into his eyes n knowing he\'s the 1 I wanna b wit till I died I wanted to grow old with him seeing our kids grow up n becoming something lik a doctor or lawyer something thy want to become.but now thts all gone I\'m sitting at cross road in my head just praying something good will come out of this just praying I will feel whole again n tht emptiness will get filled bc I\'m nt n will never b his romona flowers I will always b the girl tht he dating in highschool tht he kinda loved but things just didn\'t work out.he will never understand the pain n hurt I feel taking out my heart physically wouldve hurt alot less thn losing him forever.I just am lost now n broken n torn into pieces praying for a sign I\'m praying tht there is a god out there n he\'s gnna show me the light n show me wat I hav to look forawrd to now bc right now I feel lik I\'m just misguided ghost....

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