Nov 2011 22

Over summer break, I barely saw you; your parents kept you indoors, or only allowed you to do certain activities of which they approved of.

When school came back, there was a sheer feeling our relationship was cut; because the rules were made special for you, you were ahead in Francais langue 12 and needn't not go further- the rest of us continue to suffer, per say, without your presence. Although the course hasn't proved a whole lot difficult yet, I still find it unfair that you were the only one of us French Immersion students in our grade who was allowed to get ahead in the course, and only have to do it in a few months.

We used to be great friends; we even created a private group on Facebook for the two of us where we could post anything we wanted- we made bucket lists, took photos together, and saw each other a lot more than we do now.

Well now there's Megan in your life. She was always there, but now it's like she's replaced me. Is it because we only almost share one block together? Is it because Megan and you have homeroom together, and thus were placed in the same section of lockers, and now your lockers are side-by-side? Was it up to me to make the effort to continue our friendship?

I really don't know what it was, but there you are, seeing Megan after school, on weekends, while I sit at home using

However, it isn't only you. Like I wrote before, "Is it up to me to make the effort. . .?"

I understand I wasn't particularly "close" with anyone in our "group" (ex-group now), but we were all that way- a jumble of people who all got along relatively well, and were closer with a few inside the "group."

But everything's changing, and I feel it's having a more negative effect on me than anybody else.

Take Cynthia for example, the friendship you two carried has suddenly appeared stronger, and now she insists on being with the other group as well (Katie, Candice, Carrie; including Megan.) Cynthia will maul you, and them if you arrive in a room; me? I enter, and it's a simple wave.

I'm not demanding to be the most popular person but even Shelby hangs out with you guys more; I have strengthened relationships with Meredith and Angela, but my relationships with Gillian, Brenna, and Shelby remain the same.

I was never that kid that people always demanded for; only in the fifth grade.

Is it terrible to sometimes hope for different friends? I often wish my life would be like the lives of television characters: I have "best" friends; we have sleepovers, and I can share with them anything.

The truth is, you - none of you - really know nothing about me.

Today I opened up to Angela; I told her how I want to try melatonin, ipecac, and an energy booster (something you'll never know.)

Sometimes I wish I could log online and there would be someone online too that I'd actually like to talk to.

Abhirath is a friend; but it seems as if he has other friends who are higher up on his list than me- so I am not the #1 priority but we'll hang out with each other when we ask each other.

Friendship should be more than one person having to pull their weight; maybe it doesn't matter to me as much anymore, because like I said, none of us were super close anyway.

But we were.

On a scale of 1-10, how much would things change between us if I saw you a few times more over the summer? What about if we had a class together where we knew no one else? What about if we shared a locker again?

So I'll watch each one of you disappear.

The progress is slow, but it's happening;

one at a time.

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