Nov 2009 25

How long has it been? October 10th was the last time I heard your sweet voice. How I miss you, but you drifted away from me. The long summer has made you think things through hasn't. Did you think we acted way too fast and we jumped the gun. As I stated before, 18 years was a long time to wait, and I wanted to relive what we could have had, I didnt mean to fall hard and crazy for you. All it took was that kiss, I knew it was wrong but I just had to know, I had to know if what I felt all these years were real or just a delusions of a teenage girl who never knew what it was like to have a boyfriend. The dreams I have with you, always in those green pants and glasses, I have always remembered you that way, that is all I see, I couldnt see you as the man you are now, married with kids all grown up and having responsibilties, I couldn't separate fantasy from reality, ever since that kiss and our meeting I can't get you out of my mind, you touched my heart, I am truly so in love with you. Yes I am guilty of loving you so much. I am guilty of going crazy when I dont hear from you, and forget that you have other priorities, I forget that we both have responsibilities and that you cannot be and do the things you want to do. If only I can take back that lie. I had to lie. I had to make you leave me and forget me, but now I regret it so much, I am so alone right now, when I am alone all I do is cry and remember what we had, short at it was. I want to love you and be with you and take care of you the right way, but it is too late. If only I had made the move all those years ago. I wanted you so much then. You were right next to me and when I touched you and made you shake, I wanted to kiss you very fast and then take off, leaving you red in the face, but so many eyes were around us and I chickened out. When I found your address, I wrote it down, wrote you a letter and oh I was so close to mailing it, but ripped and threw it away, I was so scared, I called your house once 2 years ago and an old man answered the voice and I said "sorry I dialed the wrong number." God I miss you so much, you were my best friend and I always thought of you and GinGin, and how we use to compare our dogs and bought pictures of them to school one day, and the Excitebike that you sold me for $15 bucks and then burned out the first day I played it, our love for vending machine hot dogs and which fries were better.

Then by chance I googled you and you were there in ??
and my heart started pumping, I looked in my yearbook and yes it was you, you wrote me a little note asking me to call you. I swear I was going to call that moment but then I said "it is 5 pm and my kids were home no privacy to talk, so I text you the next morning and then you called me oh to hear your voice after 18 years. Too see you again after 18 years, I was lost in you, so lost in love, you were after all these years are my one true love and believe me I would have loved you till death, cherish you and respected you and taken so good care of you.

Until we meet again if you heart can find it to forgive me and give me another chance. I love you so much.

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