Aug 2012 13

I'm a 15 year old girl with a large family, a father that's deteriorating before my eyes, and a mother with issues that seemed to have been passed down to me. And now all of this has finally taken it's tole on me I guess. I used to have really good grades and was shy and really sweet but I don't know what changed. My problems have gotten me in plenty of fights in school and ultimately pushed my family away. Ive basically isolated myself. I want to blame someone but I can't find anyone to blame but myself. First it was God( my family's very religious), then it was my mom for having me in the first place. Everyone in my family keeps telling me that I'll never change and that I need help but who are they to tell me I can't change? I want to change for myself and not just because I feel like I have to prove something to them. I don't want to be that person anymore but the more I try to change the more it seems that I'm not. It feels like I'm completely not myself anymore and honestly I'm not sure who I am now. I'm afraid that I've lost so much of me that I can never get the me that I used to be back.

[by Anon on Sun August 19, 2012 07:06:48 pm]
i feel ya girl. i feel ya. im with ya. i lost myself at one point but am slowly gaining it back. thanks for sharing your vent

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