Aug 2012 14

I\'m bipolar with social anxiety and extreme issues with depression. I thought I should start with that considering it colors everything I do. I avoid people. I stay home when I can. I don\'t talk unless I need to. I\'ve built a bubble around myself that\'s kept me mostly under control. Because when I lose it I feel like the best solution is suicide, which is something I\'m not prepared to do but think about often. I\'m happily married with a spouse that is so supportive. He\'s really an angel for someone like me.

That being said almost six months ago we moved into an apartment with one of my cousins. She pays half the rent we pay half the rent. I thought it would be fine. A six month lease that we could see how everything works out. She\'s great. She understands that I have...issues and she never pressures me to do stuff I don\'t want, like talking or hanging out. It\'s her friends that bug me because...let\'s face it...she hangs out with some unsavoury characters.

These people are...into some stuff that I\'m not prepared to deal with so when they come over I just stay upstairs in my room. It works for me, everyone is happy. I don\'t ask what they do. I don\'t listen to their conversations. I don\'t get involved in their business and life just keeps marching on. Until about thirty minutes ago when they got my house attacked by some random little gang-banger.

I heard this loud noise downstairs and immediately thought gunfire. I rushed downstairs with my phone to see if everyone was okay and if I needed to call an ambulance. What I see is a bunch of people acting crazy and shouting about getting revenge and teaching people a lesson for throwing full beer cans at our house, waving a gun I\'ve never seen before, and rushing out into the night.

Before one of them leaves he sees me, realizes that my first reaction is to call the cops, and he orders me not to. I....can\'t...disobey a direct order. I wish I could. Once he told me not to...I couldn\'t. I can\'t even look at my phone to call my husband who is at work because it will stress him and he can\'t come home no matter what.

So we live in an apartment and some of my neighbors, despite the fact it\'s night time, are outside hanging around drinking in front of their doors. It\'s something they do all the time and I have no problem whatsoever with it. My cousin\'s friend with the gun goes over to them demanding to know if they threw the beer. They\'re raising their hands because he\'s got a gun and saying they didn\'t do it but they saw who did.

The last I saw of the little lynch group going out of my apartment was when they went around the corner of the complex in search of the people that did it. I have no idea what\'s going on down there anymore. I...can\'t go downstairs to ask again. The friends of my cousin treat me like I\'m s**t because I want to call the cops and that makes me a snitch.

No that makes me a citizen of the state who\'s responsible and wanting someone qualified to help. It makes me someone who wants the police to handle it so that tomorrow after they beat up or shoot whoever did it that persons friends don\'t show up to shoot me while I\'m downstairs watching t.v.

[by Jack on Tue August 14, 2012 09:57:59 pm]
So sorry... but glad to hear you have support in your husband and cousin. Need to make a plan to get out from this level of life you and your husband is leading.. must find a way out.

[by Anon on Sun August 19, 2012 07:54:19 pm]
Wow, that sounds pretty bad. I know it's your family and all but it sounds like you need to get out of that situation. Just make up some reason to tell your cousin and your friends - you don't plan on saying anything but that you and your husband are going to have a kid and just want a safe place nearby a park or something. Be careful, weary and make sure you find a way out. Even a smaller place month-to-month that's in a safe place is better than the situation you're in.

[by Saloua on Tue August 27, 2013 08:18:34 pm]
jade: Oh honey, don't worry. The friend you will be vtisiing will be so happy to see you. I bet she gets tearsy eyed. She is beautiful isn't she? I know you will be the best friend possible . You rock baby...and you have such grace. A hug does wonders between friends. let me tell you...she has a wonderful friend in you. I think what you are doing is so wonderful. You will tell her for me...that I love her, please. Will you promise me? As for your's a piece of cake. You'll figure it out. The hardest part is getting started and from there it flows like silky water. Trust for that bully ass wipe...remember YOU are the important piece of this puzzle we call a blog. hater trolls roam like snakes in the jungle. We all get a bite every once in a while. But don't let that snake stop your from your trek. Keep going...I know they are upsetting. You responded with is your way. I respond with my surrender to profanity. I call them the names they are...and I feel good about it. But know this...they are cowards. they hide behind the facade of distance and anonimity. They can fool themselves of their great importance but they really aren't. They hate who they are and can't stand it that you are finding that you can now that Jade in you. You are wonderful. And they can never change that. Oh and youcan chnage your comment have your approval first before it is seen on your comment section. Check it out. You can deny any comment you want. Ciao sweetie...Oh and good morning. Come on...let's have a cup of Joe. *wink* Bye sweetie.

Add reply:
User name (Optional):
Reply text:
Enter letters and/or numbers you see:captcha image