Oct 2009 26

Let me be the first one to tell you how amazed I am of your master thievery. Your ability to easily get away with my laptop in broad daylight is quite an accomplishment. Let me commend you on the specifics of your grand heist. You, the jailbird looking anus you were, limped into my store at 3pm and proceeded to "look around." After looking at items valued at over $10,000 and realized you could never afford such items. We also would not take your bed-post shiv or ratty assed porn magazine in barter, so you were S.O.L. You grabbed a kleenex (which technically you also stole) and blew your snot filled nose as you worked out your game plan. The best part of your heist is the following. YOU STOLE A 5 YEAR OLD BEAT ASS DELL LAPTOP! How could you over look the plethora of highly valued goods and grab a laptop that has been beaten and abused for 5 years. Let me just give you the specs on your new laptop so you can get a better idea of exactly what you got away with. SPECS 1.) The clip that holds the screen down snapped off and now it will no longer stay closed. Without this needed privacy the guards and othe inmates will know that you are on the "My little pony fan club website" all day. 2.) I ripped off all of the little rubber pads underneath the computer so unfortunaty it is going to have trouble gripping to your jail cell floor. 3.) It locks itself with a password so unless you were a former "Geek Squad" employee good luck 4.) It is missing the "P" key. So all of your words will be looking as followed "robation" "enetentiary" "enis" "ooper" you get the idea. 5.) The right speaker hisses really bad when listening to music. So your Kid Rock will sound extra bad when it reverbs off of your concrete cell wall. 6.) My cat used to sleep on it at night because it was warm and cozy. This means there is a good chance an enormous colony of fleas resides within the bowels of the laptop. (You might not be so concerned as you probably have things MUCH worse than fleas.) 7.) IT IS A BEAT-ASS OLD DELL LAPTOP THAT NOBODY WILL BUY FROM YOU. Next time you decide to steal something in broad daylight how about you take something worth going back to the slammer for. If I was an inmate in there with you and found out that you were in the joint for stealing a BEAT-ASS laptop I would have my gang jump you in the courtyard whilst all the time yelling at the top of my lungs, "DUDE YOU GOT A DELL!". Have fun ass-face.

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