Nov 2009 26

Well Here I am. Another Thanksgiving broke, and in over $45,000 in debt and depressed. My small business in the toilet with no work coming in, a baby on the way and a loving wife who continues to believe in me that I can make it all work. It seems I'm in ground hog's day. The same failure day after day. The same story of letting my family down. Suicide would be the easy way out, if I wouldn't be leaving my wife in thousands of dollars of debt which would only make me that much more of a failure. Not to mention a complete ass hole. So even suicide isn't an option. Besides, I'm too much of a chicken sh*t to do it. Before you go freaking out, don't worry, I'm on Prozac and all the other popular Medication this Nation loves to push on us people. Prozac won't pay my bills or bring me clients. It only keeps me from driving my car off a cliff. Barley.

So what's the answer? My wife keeps saying that I'm so smart and talented, that my business is the answer if only I could get more clients and more work. But I don't see how that will happen sense I have no money to hire a sales person which is what I'm really in need of to get my business moving. I'm a creative type. Not a sales type and never will be. I have no skill in "cold calling" or bringing in cold clients. I have no problem selling once the clients come to me however. When I do get work I make BANK. But jobs only come 3 or 4 a year right now. Which won't even feed my family.

I see other men taking their wives on vacation, buying them nice homes in nice neighborhoods, and here I sit, not being able to buy a pair of slippers for my wife. The greatest women in the world. I feel I have let her down and I'm letting myself down.

I have no friends to talk to, and I can't bring this up to my wife. It will only cause her to worry about me more and could stress the baby and her health. So I can't put this on her although she knows very well our situation.

One of the most frustrating aspects of all this is that fact I have so many POSITIVES but can't seem to make anything work. I'm smart, educated, talented, skilled, tall, good looking, healthy, communicate very well. All the things people say you need to succeed. But where has it all gotten me? Or maybe I should asked, where have I taken it? No place. It seems I have no excuse, so why can't I figure out the puzzle? What's wrong with me? Yet another reason I'm so frustrated. I have no excuse either. At least if I were crippled, stupid or ugly I could have some excuse. But even then those people have done more than I have with everything I have in life.

Ok. I do suffer from depression. But I'm taking medication for it. I'm not too proud to admit it and do something about it.

Ahhhh....So you see my frustration? See where I'm so depressed? Everyone says I should be able to make it all work with everything I have. I feel I'm just wasting it all away. Maybe I'm my worst enemy. No, I know for a fact I am. So what can I do to fix this road block? Any suggestions? Any answers?

So, before I go, I'll at least mention all the things I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving Eve.

1.A great Wife

2.My Family

3.My health

4.My new baby soon to be here.

[by Robert on Thu November 26, 2009 03:31:46 pm]
There is always glass half empty or half full. It's all in the eye's of the beholder.

[by Anon on Fri November 27, 2009 09:22:36 am]
At least you have a family and a baby on the way. That is a lot more than some have. You sound like an intelligent person and if you can get sales when someone else brings them to you you can go out and look for them too. It is your business, if you don't try to bring in customers why would anyone else? If you keep telling yourself you can't do it, then you never will. Keep telling yourself you CAN do it. Maybe you would benefit from talking to a doctor about your depression. There may be a physical reason for it. Your wife should stop putting that much pressure on you by saying she knows you can do it. It is nice that she is supportive but it doesn't help much to have someone saying that all the time without offering any other help.

[by Sandy on Sun November 29, 2009 08:44:49 pm]
Good for you to find things to be thankful for, despite whatever problems may be going on in your life. Kudos! And wishing you a better 2010!

[by Sharebear on Thu December 24, 2009 05:52:54 pm]
Not that I don't think you already know this, because you listed your family in the things you are greatful for, but I would trade my single life, where I have money to pay for my house and bills for a husband and children in a heart beat. The financial burdens might be a complete bitch but loneliness in my mind is way worse. For the right person I would gladly live in a cardboard box. But, I do really hope that you have a great 2010 and that things look up for you. Life is a bitch!

[by Haydn on Tue December 29, 2009 07:54:02 pm]
Sometimes, I would have to agree

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